Packaged With Care

Squashed. CRacKed. BuSted. Shattered. TwISted. All these words are appropriate. They are all related to my husband’s Christmas present.

This is a busy time of year. There are tons of people to shop for on our Christmas list. Food lists and menu’s need to be prepared, last minute gifts need to be bought for the ‘just in case’, there are Christmas parties, family parties, suitcases to be packed for those who plan on traveling….

Oh- and packages that need to be sent in advance, and packages to be received from all the internet orders we make.

It’s that last category I am now wary of.


Yep – I admit it - I’m an internet shopper. My hand is fused to the computer mouse. (We have bonded—I have to spend time with it every day or it gets frightfully lonely.) (I love spending time with my electronic friends.) Now, I have family and friends, (Writer’s note: these friends are not electronic) who try to convince me to go shopping with them.


Reality check. Life is hard. I have 4 kids, and there is no way in (*bleeeeeeeeeep*) I am taking them to the store to go shopping with me. I’m addicted to the convenience of internet shopping. I purposely look for ways to simplify my life.

*gasp*

Dang it. There goes my secret.

For those of you who have not read the Cardiac Arrest blog from October, I suggest you take a moment and read it to understand the rest of this blog story….for those of you who remember my husband’s heart stopping Ebay bid….you should follow the rest of the story just fine, so continue reading…

So, I was on Ebay--(rest assured that my impulsive habits are not as extreme as my husband’s) Anyway, I was browsing to see what fun things they had and I came across this:

I laughed pretty good, knowing I had to get it for my husband. I pictured his face when he opened it, and tried to imagine how funny he would think it was. I could see him putting it on his car as we enjoyed the inside joke. So, I bought it and waited for it to come to the house.

It arrived today.

I just want to take a moment to personally thank the US postal service for taking such great care of my packages. I am astounded at the level of dedication these postal workers suffered to get my package to me all the way from South Carolina; the rivers and streams they had to cross, the mountains they hiked, the cliffs they scaled, the days of starvation they must of endured while hunting for wild beasts in the forest with nothing more than a letter opener in their back pockets.

Big breath. (Give me a second; I’m fanning my teary eyes from on onslaught of radical, inexplicable emotion.)

Santa will be sure to add them to his list of dedicated elves—(I’ll send them all recruiting enrollment forms in the near future.) Blitzen will train them. That’s A.K.A Blitzen, the Vixen, the reindeer Annihilator.


THIS Is My PaCKage.

I highly recommend the postal service, they say their service is better than UPS…

I love the specific instructions here.

I love how those instructions were followed.

Are those tire marks….?

If my husband had won the bid for the ambulance, I would have appropriately installed this pretty puppy on the back bumper. It would have added a nice touch-- to an UGLY vehicle.

It reads:

Dear Valued Postal Customer,

I want to extend my sincere apology for the enclosed document that was inadvertently damaged in handling by your Postal Service. (yeah, duh. I feel the love, my shattered package and I)

We are aware how important your mail is to you. With that in mind, we are forwarding it to you in an expeditious fashion. (Yeah…the SANTA MISFIT EXPEDITIOUS FASHION)

The United States Postal Service handles over 202 billion pieces of mail each year. While each employee makes a concerted effort to process, without damage, (ooooo- I like how they specify that…) each piece of mail, an occasional mishap does happen. (This was some serious mishap.)

We are constantly working to improve our processing methods so that these incidents will be eliminated.

(I think we need to 'up-the-bar' on improvements…just a hunch….) You can help us greatly in efforts if you will continue to properly prepare and address each letter or parcel that you enter into the mail stream. (And I promise to give each package a kiss and a hug before I wave it goodbye.)

We appreciate your cooperation and understanding (*scratching my head.* I don’t think I understand this….) and sincerely regret any inconvenience that you have experienced. (Oh no, no..... No inconvenience at all. It was a Christmas present. I completely understand…(insert clueless laugh here) actually, I don’t. I really don’t understand.)

SR plant manager

So....

The post office recognized this and then they put it in their OWN package? Nice. But how did their package get so squashed and torn up? That’s two for two. I’m seeing a trend here--either that, or my package has a freakish magnetic pull towards it that screams for abuse....