December 14, 2009

CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE AGES






1856 Out on the prairie Christmas morning.





There’s an elated youngster unfolding a brown homespun fabric package:
“My mended boots!” the little boy shrieks, “Thank you, mama! They look as fine as cream gravy! And you knitted a new scarf from the sheep’s wool you spun three weeks ago—ya’ sure got a wiggle on and got that done in a spiffy. There’s not even a shoddy thread. Gee wilikers, everything looks so grand!”

The 1920’s-- Christmas day:

“Oh Applesauce!” Mrs. Williams gasps, plucking her brand new wool coat out of an elegant red box with green tissue. “Mr. Williams, you didn’t! I didn’t think you knew I wanted this! Well if this isn’t the cat’s meow!”

“Do you like it, baby? I paid a pretty clam for it.”

“It’s the berries!” she breathes.

“Pretty an as orchid, isn’t it? You can put away your glad rags because you’re gonna look right swanky and keen all dolled up in your new coat.”

“Says you! Aren’t you the darb!” she exclaims, giggling excitedly.

Christmas Eve of 1940:



The family is sitting contentedly in the parlor, listening to soft music on the big radio console. Mama sits Billy down and hands him a nicely wrapped package. “Billy dear, your father and I have a gift for you to open tonight, something to help you sleep all nice and cozy.”

“Golly, what is it?” Billy asks, jumping up and down in excitement.

“You’ll have to open it and see,” mama laughs, giggling that Billy didn’t catch the hint.
Mama and papa laugh harmoniously as they watch their precious little Billy tear the wrapper off the package.

“Jeepers!" Billy exclaimed, opening his Christmas Eve gift from mama and papa. “If this isn’t the cat’s pajamas!” Billy stands up and holds up his brand new pair of sleeping clothes, inspecting them. “Thanks Mama! Thanks Papa!” Billy shouts in glee, walking over and giving them each a big hug.

“Off with you now,” mama laughs. “Try them on. Your father and I will be up in a jiffy to tuck you in.”


Billy races out of the room and up the stairs, hollering in excitement. Mama and papa laugh, sipping their hot cider, singing Christmas carols in perfect harmony as they hold hands and watch the snow fall, petting their perfectly groomed cocker spaniel.

Christmas eve of 1960:


“Johnny, Kathy, Molly, Tiny Tim, sweeties, Your cruisin’ for a bruisin’ if you don’t get into bed now, or else the fat jolly elf himself won’t be comin’ tonight! Oh, dear!”

Mama June puts her hands on her waist, looking stern. “Now hurry and mind your father. Cut the gas and don’t let him hear you or you’ll rattle your father’s cage. Now brush your teeth,” she instructs, “and come give me a hug!”

“One more story!” Her little monsters plead. “Please? Pretty Please?!” they squeal.

“Oh….well, okay!” mama caves, easily persuaded. “But don’t tell your father!”


Everyone joins together as mama tucks them all into her double bed. Once everyone is settled, Mama June sits on the bed and reads The Night Before Christmas to wide-eyed children. Closing the book, mama leans in and gives them a great big hug. “Nighty-night and sleep tight—”
Everyone joins in and sings together, “AND DON’T LET THE BED BUGS BITE!”

They all collapse together in a hysterical pile, passing hugs and sweet kisses to mama and each other.



Modern Day.
Christmas Eve, 2009. 12:07 am:





“HOLY CRAP KIDS! IF YOU DON’T GET IN YOUR BEDS NOW AND FALL INSTANTLY ASLEEP—SANTA DOES NOT LEAVE COAL ANY MORE! HE’LL LEAVE YOU THE GENERIC MACARONI AND CHEESE! AND THAT IS ALL YOU’LL GET! I’VE JUST TEXT MESSAGED RUDOLPH’S CELL PHONE, I HAVE HIS NUMBER ON SPEED DIAL AND I LEFT HIM A VOICE MESSAGE!!”


My threat isn’t empty…





“STOP TALKING AND GET TO BED! NOoOoooOOOOW!!”

(The last word was spoken in the voice of Gollum.)




In the background, there is the faint thudding sound. No, it’s not the sound of mom’s neck veins bursting; it’s the sound of mom’s head pounding against the wall in constant repetition, wanting this night to end. For the night will be one of sleep-deprivation as she sits in the hallway, watching for kids, ready to capture them and haul them back to their rooms.


Christmas is a week from friday, ladies!!
Christmas is NEXT WEEK!
Are you ready? Thanks goodness we will have 2 weeks after Christmas to recover.
Man, I’ll need the full 2 weeks to convalesce from Christmas Eve alone!



9 comments:

AnnieAd said...

Hmmm - I remember those nights in the hallway, until we got smart and put a child proof door handle on the INSIDE of the doors on Christmas Eve!

Emmy said...

Ready or not here it comes :)

Jess said...

We put a sheet up in the hallway with thumbtacks & the baby gate on the other side to help keep the kids from beating us to the tree. That way I can sleep till at least 6 am. LOL

What a funny post!! I myself have used thefollowing on my kids:

"You know all I have to do is email Santa about your behavior!! And he does check the blog as well to keep an eye on you. So, if you want to receive any presents from him I would tread very carefully."

Merry Christmas Camryn!!

Becky said...

As our children get older, we realize that Christmas gets harder because they go to bed later and wake up earlier. All I want for Christmas is some sleep;-)

Amber Lynae said...

Camryn I just love your wit. I promise I've been good and I will try my hardest to get in bed earlier.....please oh please, don't let Santa leave me any Mexican mac-n-cheese.

MommyMert said...

aw.... sweet peaceful bliss... no, not ready in the slightest. :) Just enjoying the moment. AJ wakes up every morning thinking its Christmas day. haha... good times.

tammy said...

That is so funny! Cute post.

Vivianne's Vista said...

Hilarious! I am no way near ready! Don't even have my tree yet. Last year out of desparation, "Santa" called my children to remind them to be "nice" and get to bed on time. Worked for about 5 minutes. They were too excited about receiving the call from Santa!

Rachel Sue said...

Oh, this made me giggle. And this is why Christmas gets ready in my bedroom with the door locked!