January 11, 2010

Some Things Should Just Be Left Unspoken

Have you ever been minding your own business when suddenly, you recall a funny memory that makes you laugh out loud, causing others around you to stare at you like you’ve been having a conversation with yourself?

It happened the other day.

Years and 4 kids ago, my husband and I had just stepped up our status from ‘dating’ to ‘engaged.’ We had only been engaged 4 days when I found myself on his family trip, watching him compete in a marathon he and his dad were doing. After his race, he and I decided to tag along and go shopping with his mother, grandmother, and sister.

When you’re engaged, you begin to tell deeper things about yourself to your soon-to-be husband. We talked about the usual, “How many kids do you want?”, “Where do you want to live?”, and “If on our honeymoon and we go to seaworld, what if I were selected to be the one who gets my picture taken with Shamu during their show, but then, what if the whale goes rouge and grabs my legs and pulls me into the tank and chomps me to bits, leaving only my head and torso and I make a marvelous recovery. Would you still love me and stay with me, through better or worse?”

You know--THOSE kinds of discussions.

So, upon shopping with my soon-to-be in-laws, and really not knowing any of them that well, (We had only dated 8 weeks before we were engaged), we went into a clothing store where they were having a huge sale. You know the kind of store where everything is on clearance, which draws a lot of people to come and shop, right?

As my fiancĂ© and I were going through the racks, I tried to keep up a casual, comfortable conversation with my soon-to-be mother-in-law and his grandma. My man kept drifting further and further away, giving us time to talk—veering closer to the mens clothes.
Somehow, 7 racks away, he found something and thought it was pretty and yelled, “Hey! Cam! This is nice! This looks like your size!” He turned it over and searched the tags, looking for a size on it. (Mind you, he is yelling and drawing attention to himself, completely unaware.) “You’re a size “A”, right? I remember you telling me you were a small size! This looks small, I’m sure it’ll fit! I don’t see the size “A” anywhere, but it does say small!”

Soooooooooooo embarrassed, I ducked my head, pretending I didn’t know the guy. Instead, he thought I couldn’t hear him. He found another pretty article of clothing. “$7.99! WOW! Look at this one!” he exclaimed, holding it up. “Again, there is no size “A” on it—I don’t even see where they put the 32 or 34 on it…..where would I find that? Anyway, it does say small!”

Mortified, yet laughing uncomfortably beside my snickering mother-in-law, I said a little louder, “Um……That’s my bra size, honey. You just shouted out my bra size to everyone.”

Yes. Nothing breaks the ice around your new in-laws quite like hearing your cup size shouted across a department store amidst laughing customers. Sheer entertainment people.

I can easily forgive him—because it WAS super funny! The memory had me laughing out loud, but soon, another memory came on the heels of that one and I suddenly recalled an incident we had shortly after we were married. This was completely my fault—again—in another department store. (You’re seeing a trend now, right?)

We had been married about a year and were at the mall, looking through the bed linens and towels section of a department store. I remember walking up to a display where they had a lot of sheets on clearance. I was giddy. We only had one sheet set to our name. We were poor college kids. But because of the sale, I could actually afford to buy another set.

Turning to my husband I said, “Look!” I was ecstatic. “Look at these prices!” I said. “Let’s get them!”

“I don’t think we can afford them,” my husband said.

“Sure we can!” I said, looking at the price. $20 was a lot for us and we’d have to take that cut from our food budget, but I dreamed of new sheets.
By this time, other shoppers had come to search through the display, going through the pile. He stood on one side, I stood across from him. The sheet bin was between us.

“Cam, I’m not sure if we can afford it. Are you sure you want new sheets?” he asked.

“Honey, we need sheets! We use them ALL the time! They’re wearing out!”

The minute I said it, I clapped my hand over my mouth, but the damage had been done.

People all around us were laughing and snickering—including my embarrassed husband. Two twelve year olds blushed furiously, giggling and falling into each other, turning away to go giggle where I couldn’t see them. No doubt—I could still hear them—the next aisle over!

“Wait! No! That’s not what I meant!” I wanted to die. You know the old saying “I wish a mountain would fall on me right now” ? Yes, I wanted Mt. Everest.

So, to end here, the moral of the story is: Be careful what you say and where you say it. Embarrassing moments may cause laughter later, but only if you can live through the initial humiliation!

And may I wish my gorgeous cousin, Jordan, a VERY, VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY today!!

I went all out this year. I got you a gift card.
Because you're special.

Love ya, girl! Love your wit, you are the best!


Emmy said...

Lol! I don't think you should go shopping with your husband anymore. :)

Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Rachel Sue said...

Still giggling about the sheets. Too funny!

April Mitchell said...

LOL! I love real life comedy. These are my favorite types of blog posts. Life is funny, often embarrassing, and very messy most of the time. Thanks for sharing some of your more embarrassing- yet funny- moments with us. "Size A" LOL

Denise said...

THAT is hilarious...and we have all been there in one way or another. But having your cup size shouted out like that on that day, well,that just woulda been hilarious, i mean, mortifying...

jordan @ mean mommy academy said...

Awwww- thanks for the b-day wishes!!!! You, my friend, are hilarious.

And now I'm just a little concerned that you wanted to go shopping with me for my b-day. Although, isn't it sad, that when we have embarrassing moments, we think "this would make GREAT blog material"? Miss ya- wish we could go shopping for 'blog material'!

Love, the other size "A". ;)

tammy said...

Funny stories! Those totally made me laugh.

Heather said...

OK, so I had no idea that my brother in law needed education in the difference between bra's and other clothing. Hopefully when your daughters are teenagers and getting their first bra's daddy won't try to help them and pick some up at the store and surprise them with his "fabulous" selection when they get home from school....sounds like a true story huh?

You know, I can't find the 32 or 34 on my clothing anywhere either! Let alone the A!

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Loralee and the gang... said...

Too funny! Mine would have never remembered my size!
Need new sheets - holy ha ha's!