August 30, 2008

Welcome to Mean Mommy University!

If you are new here, I am so glad to see you have enrolled! This is a realm where mean moms gather to collaborate- (where we wickedly brainstorm and come up with mean ways to torture our kids...Like putting them to bed at a reasonable hour (you know, in the summer, when the sun’s still out) or like taking away the hand drill from the 6-year-old who was chasing their younger sibling in the act of terrorizing. True story. That younger sibling got tattooed with the drill bit between the eyes. Everyone’s fine, unharmed, but what did I hear?
“Mommy’s sOoOo MEAN!”


Alright- I admit it. They got a good lecture out of that one - but honestly, what did they expect me to do? Stand off to the side and cheerlead, dancing and singing, “2,4,6,8, say goodbye to the eye!”

This is a place where we as moms understand each other. Welcome to your online support group. Hopefully, we can get through the child raising years together with humor. We want to avoid bald-headed ladies who rip out their hair in frustration while potty training their toddlers. Heaven forbid they should opt for the toilet when there are so many other places in the house ‘unmarked’. Most of us have been there. As for myself, I’m tackling potty-training with baby # 3. I have to say, my plants are staying pretty well fertilized around here…so is my carpet...

So, I extend a warm welcome to you. Our motto here is: “I AM the law!”
Now ladies- you have to say this phrase with conviction- with feeling- You have to say it with attitude.

Hopefully you can get through your day with some humor…and come away a survivor. Maybe, after reading some glimpses into my family’s everyday life, you’ll come to realize that yours isn't so dysfunctional after all. Here, at my house, we put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.

I’ll introduce myself. My name is Camryn Hartle. I began this blog because I’m anxious for adult conversation. My motor-mouth doesn’t know how to shut off, and when it’s forced to, my hands pick up where my mouth left off. I can talk a long time – it’s a talent you create when you’re stuck at home with kids oh, like, FOREVER.

So, after much encouragement from my friends and family, I decided to venture out into the world and tackle the internet with a blog. (I can hear a chorus of people moaning, woefully.)


Since this is my own personal venture, there may be typos, so please don’t email me over the little stuff. I’m only concerned if I’ve misspelled the word ‘help’ and turned it into an expletive by forgetting the ‘p’ and adding another ‘l’ at the end of it. But I’ll save those beautiful words for my really bad days, the days the kids have me staring at them with the glare of death, with the evil eye thing going on and the look that says, “I’m giving you a head start- you better get running kiddo.”

6 comments:

tina said...

I am the first to sign up!! I am enrolled and plan to be top student. You have a way with words...that brings out the smile at times I feel like screaming...

I am excited for the next courses to come....

Natalie said...

I just read your profile. I was at Barnes and Noble the other day and I was buying a book for my mother in law and she LOVES medieval and fantasy books like you. The manager HIGHLY recommended (and I mean HIGHLY) The Rangers Apprentice series. I bought it for her and I think I might buy them for me to read to Jason. He told me alot about what happens in it and I really think you would enjoy them. I guess they originally came out in Australia and are so huge there and now they've worked there way over to the U.S. Also have you read the Fablehaven series? I heard they are really good too. :)

Camryn said...

Thanks for the heads-up, Natalie. I will definitely check those out!

Mertgirl said...

Count me as enrolled. :)

Bethers Family said...

I can't believe that I am still not rolling on the floor in laughter...you are a great writer! I'll be tuning in daily to read!

Heather said...

OH I bet I can be a A+ student here! my kids tell me I'm evil! I forced them to put SANDWICHES in there school lunches! HOW AWEFUL I am!

I need humor, it keeps me from doing things like velcoring the kids to the wall and leaving them there for a couple of hrs of peace. Trueth be told, they would probably love that! I still think you need to write a book about all your stories, they are so funny that I read them to feel better!

I know you are not suppose to threaten your kids with "just wait until your dad gets home!" I like the saying "if I have to call your dad it will be because he will have to save YOU from ME!!!" So I think this will be a better outlet :)