January 08, 2009


When Camryn asked me to join her in creating blogs, I thought “Oh Crap! I'm not humorous! I can’t be nearly as entertaining as her!” I’m flattered that she thinks me worthy to join her, because she is outrageously funny. And her last blog is proof of that. I now have the dreaded job of posting AFTER her (dang-it).

So here it goes:

There are moments in our lives when we come across things (or even people) that cause us to think “Really? Are you serious? They did NOT!” (You may find that recent pictures of Butt-Ugly items may have caused these words to cross your mind.) And then there are moments when we suddenly become Utterly Speechless. Laughter may explode from your lips, sometimes just a Guffaw, or maybe, dare I say, Nothing At All? It is for times like this that we are creating WHAT THE??!! Moments.

This WHAT THE??!! Moment has been brought to you by:

Okay, so I blotted out the brand name so I won’t get sued. It’s for Just-In-Case purposes only. Perhaps you will recognize the packaging. But for non-suing reasons we will call it:

The Menstrual Complete Medicine/Cure/Pill/Remedy.

I have found through recent experiences of being of the female nature, that

The Great Beast that Visits Once a Month needs to be tamed.

I Feel this is an Accurate Depiction of The Great Beast. If you notice, there are seven heads. I find it pretty symbolic- one head for every day of that Dreaded Week.

(You just counted the heads, didn't you?)

During that "Dreaded Week", I find that sometimes I need a bit more than just 4 Ibuprofen every 2 hours, Sedatives to keep my patience in check so that my children (my husband is included in this category) don’t annoy the CRAP out of me even though they are minding their own business, and last, a muzzle so I won’t say something I regret and my children (hubby still included) aren't SCARRED FOR LIFE. I found a nice one on the Internet:

I use it according to manufacturers directions during the rest of the month.

But for that one week of Hades,

I use The Menstrual Complete Medicine/Cure/Pill/Remedy.

One day as I lay on the couch Swollen Like A Fermented Cow and craving anything that had absolutely NO health value whatsoever, I decided to do a little light reading. This is what I found:

This is the real-live warning label on the back of the box. Real-Live.

So MY question is:

If you have difficulty urinating due to enlargement of the prostate gland, no, let me re-phrase. If you HAVE a prostate gland, why are you taking ease-that-time-of-the-month-menstrual-pain-reliever/medicine/cure/pill/remedy? You know what- forget I asked. I don’t even want to know.

But there is something I do want to know! If you have a What The??!! Product that you are DYING to tell people about,

We want to know about it!!!

Email me at jordanriverblossom@yahoo.com.

And I voted for the chicken, but when I saw the moldy taco had like, ONE vote, I changed my vote 'cuz I felt bad for him.

And yes, I automatically assume it is a "him".


Camryn said...

Okay, okay-- I HAVE to comment on this!! I admit, I DID COUNT THE SEVEN HEADS!

But how did you manage to find my 'look alike'? I thought I had the dragon picture stashed away in my basement...

Hallelujah, let the truth be known. Our poor husbands are automatic victims once a month!
LOVED it, we bonded :)

Jordan said...

I have my sources...:)

AnnieAd said...

I'm sitting here at work, laughing out loud, and the others want to know what I'm laughing at. I could read it out loud - - but the male population sitting close by may not appreciate the humor!

Good job, Jordan.

Heather said...

I am reading this aloud to my 13 yr. old daughter explaining what this "PILL" does, and we get to the WARNING.....ok so what do you say to your teenage daughter when she asks you..."mom, WHAT is a protast?" After suttering my answer to her, she then asks, "why is that on the box" I just told her she had a "WHAT THE...." moment.

Great post! and yes my daughter had to count the heads also. I think it's a wonderfully accurate picture of camryn when her kids "stress" her out, it doesn't only come out at that time of the month.... :)

kdemille78 said...

Very funny, I have come across a few funny labels ect.
One that I know of is on a Breck kids shampoo bottle...on the front it reads 'Tearless' on the back the warning states 'avoid contact with eyes'

You guys are doing a great job on this blog I love reading it. so funny