August 02, 2010

HOW TO MAKE PUPPY STEW









Okay--before I give you the ingredients for how to make Puppy Stew--what the heck is wrong with Blogger? It's loading my pics sideways??? Is anyone else having constant problems? Lame.







Anyway, I've been cooking in the kitchen lately, coming up with new recipes. Look at me--I'm SO domestic! YAY for something other than speghetti!



The other day I came up with a recipe which I call: Puppy Stew.





Weird name, I know. Doesn't sound appetizing, but trust me, it's a great solution. First, make an inventory of all the ingredients to ensure you have everything on hand before you start.







1--Weather stripping: Pulled off around the doorframes like licorice rope and chewed up. Check.













2--Shoes: pulled out of shoe cubby, thrown down the stairs and chewed up. Check.
















3--Door frames: chewed, and making termites jealous. Check.










(Make sure you chant this while simmering! Crucial key to cooking!)





4--Holes dug in yard: tunnel excavation to china in process. Check.










5--Drip hoses: Severed. Check.










6--Trees: bark stripped and frayed. Check.














7--Bite marks on kids: plenty. Check.









8--Bread: pulled off counter and bag chewed to tiny pieces. Unfortunately, dog didn’t choke and she’s still alive. *sigh* Check.










9--Plants in veggie garden: dug up and killed. Check.














10--Weeds pulled out in the demolition: NONE! STUPID DOG! UGH!













11--Barking: Plenty of disorderly noise. Noise violation enforced and neighbors silently complaining. Check.










12--A stealth rocket with the launch ability to go from here to Indognesia--{hey—it’s better than my lame joke of Ecuadog}--under the U.S. military’s radar: Ordered and shipped.

{Little seatbelt and doggie cage: extra, desperately paid it anyway with Visa.}
Projected arrival date? SOON. Give or take 7-10 business days.













Now all you need to do is gather 4 mo. old puppy, lock her in cage with stew pot, and add water. Don’t worry about measurements. She’ll drink when thirsty. Secure her safely to rocket {You don’t want the chance of her slipping out!} grab the nearest lighter, light fuse, and VIOLA!!!












And that is what I call: Fast food.


Your American Hot Dog is officially on her way to her new location.







7 comments:

Jess said...

Thank you. I needed that laugh. You have no idea how much I needed that laugh. xD

Angie Spiker said...

The "joy" of puppies!

AnnieAd said...

I think I'll keep my kitten.

Heather said...

ummm...your not upset with your puppy are you? Just a guess. I have 3 cats that need exercise I can loan them to your puppy for a while. Maybe Camri will be exhausted from chasing them around. How you will keep the cats from running....your on your own there. I'll send you pictures of what my dog did to our back door, door frame, and screen door. Lesson.....never, NEVER leave your dog who is scared of fireworks outside at night on the 4th of july while you and your family go to fire works hours away from your home.

Mandy said...

I can relate. I have a Great Dane! When she was a puppy, she destroyed things on a massive scale. Now she is grown, she still destroys things because of the sheer enormity of her. *Sign.

Thanks for the laugh. :o)

Amy said...

Really, that cute little thing can do all that! Oh the joys of having a puppy! I have to say, even though he is one cute little guy, I'm not really jealous. I love that I can admire from afar, (across the street) and get my puppy fix. I am SOOOOO sorry, in time it will get better, but man he may destroy a few things in the process huh? Hang in there!

Jill said...

when you asked for babysitting today that didn't really mean puppysitting did it? don't worry, they 'grow up' when they are 2 yr. old and you can enjoy her then! the #1 reason i will NEVER do a puppy again! thanks for the great story! you are so talented and funny! it was just what i needed after 1 1/2 weeks of frustration!