WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Since I talk with Jordan from Mean Mommy Academy, like—well, practically every day, she has expressed an UTMOST desire for a nickname. She says I have it easy because I can cut my name in half like a polish hot dog and I can go with either. (I choose Cam—the upper portion of that hot dog—because ‘Ryn’ just doesn’t flow for me.)

I thought: “What a tragedy! Not to have a nickname?! She is utterly deprived!” Because she didn’t ask, I thought I would help her out.

*insert evil maniacal laughter here.*

Sit back ladies—this is what I’ve come up with.

CASE STUDY’S NAME: JORDAN

Okay, under the microscope we can start with…Jo. “Jo” is a timelessly OLD name that originated with the……..the aborigines of Arkansas circa 954 B.C.

{Historians, don’t bother looking that up – you won’t find it}

We could also add another “Jo” to the name and we’d get:

“Jo Jo”……..hmmm…….but that brings to mind a certain Disney clown—and heavens, we wouldn’t want to raise any confusion here. So, I thought…….and thought some more……….then I decided to muster all my brain power—a tremendous feat some say—and I inventively came up with: ‘Jodo.’

“MAY THE JODO FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!!”

*GaSp*

SORRY!! *clamps a stern hand over the mouth, giggling* I just can’t help myself! It just bursts out of me from nowhere! At least—she’d be Jedi worthy.

We could call her “Jedi Jodo”--our voice transforming into a Yoda dialect—as we bow respectfully.

“This a good name, it is,” my inner Yoda tells me. “hmm mmm. Yes, thinks me, Master Jedi Jodo is ready, ready to find her inner name, believe that she is…a true jedi. Ready to accept that Darth Vader--is not her father, but her cousin!”

*All eyes turn to Camryn*

Camryn: “No, No, not me.” She rolls the eyes. “A TOTALLY different cousin. Although, Darth Vader styles a rockin’ bad oxygen mask! I wonder if paramedics can buy those wholesale…?”

Yeah, can you imagine?

“BREATHE!!! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!”
*unspecified patient gasps for air*

Okay, maybe Jordan wouldn’t like “Jedi Jodo." Maybe she’s more: Obi-Wan Kenobi Jodo!

[Maybe it’s just me…..but……I’m not seeing Jordan diggin’ that one.]

So, I’m thinking…….thinking harder than a 1 GB iPod to retrieve information…..and how about: ‘Jor’

Hmmm. But if you say it really, REALLY fast, you can almost hear “drawer.”

Maybe “Jord”, but then my eyes play tricks with my mind and I see “Gord” (like Halloween harvest decorations.) And if it was ‘Jord’, I would have the uncanny urge to put a “Y” at the end—and I’m not Trekky. (Nor does Jordan sport old-fashioned silver headbands for sunglasses. If she did, she’d get beat up.)

Then I thought, “why not ‘Jorda’?” You know, like: ‘Jorda Pinkette Smith.’ That’s kind of cute! But, if you go through all that trouble to write her name almost completely out, you may as well put an ‘n’ after it. So, that leaves us with: Jordan

What nicknames can you come up with? We could change the first letter. Borden, Norden, Gorden….heck, why not ‘Yordan’, let’s bring an Israeli sound to it. Or why not: She-Rah?! Remember her obsession with the medieval ninja chick?

Wow, that just opened up a ton of possibilities! Like “She-Jo” or “Jor-She”……and that sounds like Yoshi from Mario Brothers.

Or...... Yoshi Jo-She!
Suddenly, Jordan sounds Asian and I want to order some Kung Pao Chicken and Deep Fried Wontons on the side of my Chinese take-out order.


So what do you think? What should Jordan’s nickname be?

Hmm.....Dorden, Korden.....Xorden.....