"FADULOUS"

“WHAT?!”
How many times have you caught yourself saying this in response to something your husband has done? I think it’s a woman’s universal response. “QUE?” {French} “VAS?” {German} “CHE COSA?” {Italian} As women, we keep no tally of how many times we have used it.

In fact, pat me on the back, I had to look that up. I had no idea what it means in other languages.

Several days ago, my husband came home wearing this:

Cue the reaction: “WHAT!?” (I said it in the English version) “um…….what is that?” I pointed to his neck.

HIM: “Oh! This?”
ME: “…yeah.”

(He was sporting this red puppy with a blue checkered, fancy button-up shirt. Yeah—it clashed.)

HIM: “Well, when you do an intense work-out, it helps you recover faster,” he said. (My hubby does triathlons.)

Remember this girls. Forgo the cool-down and stretching, it’s overrated.

I rolled my eyes. “You actually bought that and believe in it?”

HIM: “Yeah, it's titanium. It's cool huh? Everyone is wearing one.”

Do you remember when Lance Armstrong started wearing those rubbery yellow bracelets as a supporter of cancer research? Remember how EVERYONE had to have one—and now companies everywhere make them in all colors for all kind of things?
My husband bought one the next day, because Lance Armstrong wore it. Lance was cool.
Yeah. Time marches on. We have now moved on to these…things…and my husband had to have one.

ME: “How much was it?” I asked skeptically.
HIM: “20 dollars!”
ME: “WHAT?! You spent 20 dollars on a rope necklace?! I could have made you one of those! Heck, go buy me some hemp and I’ll make you one now. Go get your money back! Wait—you wore that all day at work?”

HIM: “Come on its titanium! It works!”

(How come all those married men who wear titanium wedding rings haven’t noticed an improvement in their joints after a work-out? They’ve been robbed!)

HIM: “Well,” my husband contemplates thoughtfully, “it’s supposed to anyway…”

ME: “Man,” I mutter, “you’re a salesman’s dream!”
HIM: “Do you want to see their ad? It’s very convincing!” he laughs.
ME: “Oh, I have no doubt,” I mumble. “You know what?” I brighten and look up at him. “That has me thinking…hmm….”

I came up with an ingenious plan. If rope around his neck can help his body heal from the pain of a rigorous workout—then my plan is fool proof!

“See this?” I walk to the paper towels in the kitchen and shred them in front of him. Then, I proceed to shove them in my ears.

“VOILA! These little babies,” I shout loudly through the house, “will magically make the kids behave! They will love anything I make and eat it without complaint. They will do their chores without a huge fit, and the fighting that is currently going on in the next room--will stop!”

My husband is laughing too hard to respond. Background noise is still the sounds of kids fighting over a dumb TY toy. “Wait for it!” I scream madly, looking like a lunatic. “Its gonna happen any second! It just takes a minute to warm up….”

Fighting continues.

“Maybe I’m doing it wrong,” I mumble. “Maybe I need something a little more…”

I wait, listening for the fighting to stop. Nope. Something just smacked the wall with a thud. Hopefully, it’s not a kid. I wait, all my defenses are up…no crying. Good sign.

All the while, my husband stares, wondering if I am truly the same girl he really proposed to 11 1/2 years ago. Maybe it needs a finishing touch…?

At this point, my husband asked if I was on cRaCk. I don’t care. If this thing works, I’m going to wear this getup the rest of my child-raising years.

Yeah, baby! This has gotta work!

“How long did it take your rope toy to work?” I ask, turning to him. “Did you see immediate results?”

HIM: “Uh……..” he still staring at the fairy skirt on top my head.

ME: “You don’t even know? How long have you been wearing that toy necklace?”
HIM: “All day.”
ME: “And?”
HIM: “And…….I love the red color. Glad I got it.”

I am befuddled. “So, wait. You’re telling me that after wearing that thing all day, sore joints and all, you haven’t seen any results?”

HIM: “But,” he interjected, “its titanium!”

AGAIN! THE TITANIUM!

“Crap,” I mumble. “No wonder this getup isn’t working.” I pluck my outfit apart. I stare desperately into the next room where my children’s shouts crescendo and bounce off the walls like PeeWee Herman has been tortured by ‘Lab Experiment Barbie.’

“I guess,” I sigh, throwing the paper towles from my ears in the trash, “it was an utter waste.”
I glance at him pointedly.

He laughs. “What can I say? I’m a sucker-for-an-ad dad.”

Okay, okay. His toy rope necklace isn’t that bad—he knows I was just teasing. I’m just glad there isn’t a Hello Kitty fad going on nationwide. I’d hate to see it targeting our daddies and husbands. ;)



OUTTAKES:

BTW ladies--if you have a little girl, you will want to enter this week's contest. Walk over to Jordan's blog and check out this week's giveaway.

Stay Sane!

Camryn