October 19, 2009

Happy Birthday....Uh...To You....

A dear friend of mine had a birthday recently. I wanted to get her something special since she just had a baby and didn’t have a chance to go out and celebrate. My husband was out and about running errands and doing the grocery shopping on Saturday. (I know, he’s awesome!)
I asked him to pick up a restaurant gift card while he was out. I thought my friend could at least have the “restaurant experience” even if she ordered take-out.

When my husband got home and set the grocery bags on the counter, I rummaged through the bags to find the card he picked out.

(That was the dramatic cliff hanger. You ready for this?)

It was a gift card, alright—TO THE GROCERY STORE!

Whoa. Steady, tiger. We don’t want it to look like we’re going all out.

(Insert note to self: this is why women do the shopping. I am now burning it into my memory.)

Okay, NOTHING screams “happy birthday” like a gift card to your local grocery store. And not just any birthday—the big 3-0! That’s like gifting a sweet sixteen birthday girl with orange juice concentrate—or better yet, flour tied with a pretty ribbon and a card that reads: “To the many, many cookies you’ll bake!”

How does one give their friend a gift certificate to their local grocery store and be taken seriously? “Yeah cutie, happy birthday! I hear their Kosher salt is divine! Oh—and their shredded cheese….hmmmm….no one but Cache Valley can shred cheese the way they do!”

So, questioning my husband about the odd choice of gift, he answered, “Because they just had a baby. This way, her husband can buy all the ingredients—everything she wants—and he can make her a delicious meal!!”


Who wants an ordinary meal cooked at home when she can eat out? This is why neighbors bring in meals. They don’t go next door and say, “We were going to bring you dinner, but instead, here’s a gift card to the grocery store.”

I am still laughing about this scenario. A gift card. To the local grocery store. I hope she uses her card wisely *cough* like purchasing EXPENSIVE chocolate chips. I hope she tours the off-limits bakery we often ban ourselves from, or goes wild and crazy by tossing multiple bags of Chips Ahoy cookies and ice cream into her cart.

I don’t care if your family is out of toothpaste and light bulbs—USING A GIFT CARD FOR THOSE THINGS IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN! And I didn’t gift you Toilet paper and Tampons—unless……you really wanted that……….then I…am….happy….to oblige….

*moment of awkward silence*

Anyhoo—Happy Birthday, girlfriend. I hope you get a chance to let your hair down and walk around the sushi table, pushing the latest, just-off-the-show-room, bacteria-free cart. I hope your grocery shopping experience is—well,

I hope you pamper yourself by going down the treat aisle. Maybe you can get a fulfilling lunch from all the little old ladies wearing shower caps and white robes handing out food freebies.

I hope you feel refreshed as you walk past the laundry detergent, baby powder, and wipes with newborn baby scent wafting through the air. Oh, the bliss! I’m sure there will be a lighter ‘Bounce’ to your step, because nothing screams “ALONE TIME” like wheeling your cart past Depends and adhesive glue.

My husband's thought was sweet and he had awesome intentions, and he is laughing with me as we want to wish her.....


Christie Gardiner said...

Hehehe. Husbands!

Jess said...

There is nothing better than that wonderful husband retort of, "What?" when his wife looks at him like he just grew antlers out of his butt?!?! A grocery gift card?!?! hehehe He meant well, bless his heart! Awesome!! LOL very funny stuff Cam!!

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

Well, yeah I think thats why they think vacations at places with a full kitchen are fabulous... I mean...yuk. what aout having a full kitchen on vacation is a good thing.

i want room service

Heather said...

I must say your hubby is hiliarous? First a tire toilet, and now a grocery store gift card! I love the way he thinks, to bad it doesn't come out (no pun intended) they way he thought it would.

tina said...

You have inspired me....I am off to the grocery store for some enless bliss.

coupon guy said...

what a great gift xD

well, you could have sent him back to get a real restaurant card :P