June 07, 2010

Why I Ban My Children From Going Shopping With Me





Reason 1—I don’t need a reason. Taking kids to the store is reason enough. EVERY mother understands this. It’s a universal law.





Since I pretty much covered my bases with reason #1, I’ll just throw out reason #2 just for fun.


Yep, for fun.



Because:



A few weeks ago, when my husband returned home from work, he had to go to the store. He decided to take our two older girls shopping with him.




“DA DA DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.”




*ominous music here*




Still in his dress shirt and pants from work, my husband walked down the frozen food section where he saw his reflection against the glass...















Nope, this is not him. My husband doesn’t wear a dreamy grin on his face like he’s walking through a field of brownies when shopping with kids. Nope. It’s more like this:












Seeing that his dress shirt was slightly untucked, he proceeded to tuck it in.







Oops. Wrong picture. My bad.

Ah, here it is! This is the one.







And this was his pose. Just like this. My man was working the frozen food aisle! RAWR, RAWR!



Our beautiful, blithe-spirited 7 year old daughter—Bisquick—saw what he was doing and literally began to retch. (She was born normal, I assure you, but she’s just very…animated.)




{I take full blame. She gets it from me.}





This daughter was born loud, louder than Gilbert Godfrey going through puberty. She uses her voice as a weapon. No, really, she does. She can hit notes as high as Mariah Carey and screeches to get a reaction. Even adults have to cover their ears. To give you an idea, she still to this day doesn’t know how to whisper. She can’t.



So, as my husband was tucking his shirt in, my 7 year old daughter was standing behind him. There, in the crowded market place, chock full of shoppers in the frozen food aisle, my daughter’s booming voices rips across the aisle, “EWWWWW! GROSS!!! DAD JUST SCRATCHED HIS BUTT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!”



Our 9 year old daughter turned redder than her father. Mortified she cried, “Bisquick! Shhhhh! Everyone can hear you!”




“BUT HE DID!” she cried, “I SAW IT! HIS HAND WENT UNDER HIS PANTS AND EVERYTHING!!!!”






Oh, the tales I could tell about this family. A day in our life is full of embarrassing, laughable moments just like this. And we got to share it with a crowed market full of strangers.




*squeal!*




And that’s why I wait till Saturday to shop, so I can leave them home with their dad.




The End.




8 comments:

AnnieAd said...

Yep, that's why I never took you to a store until you could go by yourself! It was much safer and saner that way. Love you tons.

Amber Lynae said...

Shopping with out my kiddo is always a treat for me. I feel like I'm getting away with something.

Lali Johnson said...

I wait to my hubby can watch them too. shopping with one kid is doable, any more then that and you are in for a world of hurt!

Debbie's L'Bri said...

I love the way you write ... I will be back. I have 9 kids.. 5 boys, 4 girls,..when I got to 6 kids I only took a few at a time.

Heather said...

LOL....mom learned with me and my older sister to go alone or with only child. Since my older sister scared me to death I did any and EVERYTHING she wanted me, including asking strangers a store (waiting until mom was distracted with choosing items to buy) if they had any spare change I could have. Trying my best to look adorable, and not terrified if I came back without any money. If we couldn't find anyone, she had me on my hands and knees looking under under the isle as far back as they went to find change. I remember my mother always telling me to get off the floor!

Kurt+Amy said...

LOL!! I bet his face went beet red. Shopping w/o kids is like heaven. When shop w/ my kids the mommy monster definitely comes out!

Chance's Mom said...

There were probably other parents in that store thinking to themselves..."Oh good! At least we are not the only ones who draw attention to ourselves like this when out in public."

Emmy said...

Lol! Your poor poor husband. But hey it gave you good blogging material AND it didn't happen to you :)